Cigarette Meditation

I take a pull of my anxiety,

and let go of who I’m trying to be,

cause expectations are killing me,

so the cigarette haze engulfs my being,

terrorizing what’s most important to me,

but the contradiction I hold closely,

closing in allowing for the walls to wear thin,

I feel a slight collapse and bear a weary grin,

these complications I’m feeling are an enlightening win,

but as I congratulate myself,

doubt starts to seep in,

so I take another inhale of the poison,

deepening my meditative state I become fully aware of him,

leading me through the unknown,

I’m back at square one and I’m nervous but ironically I feel at home,

drawing parallels with a life that isn’t my own,

I take another puff and realize that the human experience is best when it isn’t being loaned.